As I sat on the night bus not having fun, I tried to keep focusing on the cruise I had signed up for the following day and not the uncomfortable seats. I had heard amazing things about the sailing experience and had high hopes. I’d seen enough of pictures and postcards to know that the area was spectacular. Now if the bus would just hurry up and get me to Airlie Beach I would be immensely happy.
I reached a conclusion on the night bus to Airlie Beach and here it is – all night buses suck. Universally. Prior to the trip, I was reasonably confident that an Australian night bus would be better than its Asian equivalent. And, in fact, this one was marginally better than the one in Vietnam, but it still sucked. After all, thirteen hours sitting/slumping in the same seat is pretty miserable no matter where it is. Just to make sure it was an official night bus ride, we broke down at 8:30am and had to wait for a replacement bus.
Airlie Beach, my final destination, is a town with only one road which is lined with tourist shops, bars and restaurants. It has a reputation as a party town, since most of the visitors are young travelers either heading out on or coming back from 3 day cruises. This atmosphere is encouraged by the myriad of happy hours, drink specials and drunken contests the bars have every night. I witnessed a wet t-shirt contest, which was frightening, and a jello wrestling match, which was even scarier. Most of the contestants in both contests could easily have started on the football team of most Division I colleges.
The cruise I had signed up for was a 3-day cruise on “Condor” which, according to the brochure, had won every major ocean race prior to being put out to pasture as a tourist boat. Take a look at the test from the brochure below.
Condor is perhaps the most famous Maxi yacht in history, having won every major ocean race in the world twice. Condor is the only yacht to have achieved this distinction. These races include the Sydney to Hobart, Fastnet, Bermuda races and the World Maxi Championship - just to name a few!Initially this impressed the hell out of me, until I read other companies’ brochures and realized every boat had won every major ocean race.
Condor is a maxi-yacht which I think means it is really big - over 80 ft long. I checked in the day my trip to take care of a couple of pre trip tasks. The most critical component of the check-in process is the ordering of the alcohol for the trip. I opted for a slab (30 beers) and a half of XXXX beer. And no, that isn’t a typo, it is the brand name of the most popular Queensland beer. (According to folks from New South Wales, Queenslanders were too stupid to spell beer so they named it XXXX.)
The other important decision is whether or not to get a “stinger suit” for swimming in the ocean. Since deadly jellyfish inhabit the waters off the Queensland coast a good part of the year (mostly in the summer) it is essential to wear a lycra body suit whenever you go swimming. Even though I knew I would look ridiculous in a tight black and blue lycra body, I decided to err on the side of safety instead of fashion and get one for the trip. Thankfully there are no incriminating photos of my fashion faux-pas.
We set sail the next morning at 9am with a total of 26 on board – 4 crew and 22 guests. Here is a breakdown of the guests – 11 Brits, 5 Swiss, 3 French, 2 Americans and 1 Mexican. Everyone was great fun except for 3 girls from Newcastle, who didn’t speak to anyone other than the captain for the whole cruise, and one of the American guys, who was an ass (and no I’m not talking about me).
The majority of us were assigned bunks in the main compartment which contained the kitchen and both bathrooms. The top bunks were hammocks, while the bottom bunks were comfy foam mattresses. I was assigned the top bunk, but the Swiss girl assigned to the bottom bunk got closterphobic after I got into the hammock and asked to switch. Now, don’t go getting the idea that there was actually a lot more room on the bottom. At one point in the night, whenever I rolled over, my hip (granted it is not a small hip) bumped into the Swiss girl’s ass as she slept.
Soon after we cleared the harbor we set sail. Since this was a racing yacht, setting sail is a major effort involving a bunch “volunteer” grinders manning the winches (coffee grinders to us hard core sailors) to raise the sails. On TV, raising the sails seems like a piece of cake for the guys on the America’s Cup boats. In person, it’s easy for about the first 60 seconds and then hell for the last 60. After the first time, I thought I was gonna puke from the exertion (aided a bit by the wee hang-over I was suffering from I’m sure). I’ve attached a video montage of some of the sailing trip to give you a feel for the trip. Download CondorSailing.WMV
Later the first day, I did another introductory dive which was very cool. Again, it wasn’t spectacular scenery but I was able to swim around more freely than the first time which was excellent. I have know decided to get certified for future vacations. That night, after watching an awesome sun set, we anchored for the night in a peaceful harbor and had dinner and tried to put a big dent into the eskies (coolers) full of beer. Somewhat surprisingly, the food was good for all of the meals.
The next morning started the “game of life”. It has very basic rules, whenever you say the word “mine” in response to a question, you have to do 10 push-ups. Seems easy, doesn’t it? Well as it turns out, it ain’t. Initially I thought, no problem, I can avoid saying “mine” for 2 days. At any given moment over next 2 day, you were very likely to find someone doing pushups.
“Is this your book?”, to someone. No, it’s mine. Ten!
Whose towels is this? Mine. Ten!
Is this your beer? Yeah, it’s mine. Ten!
Are you reading this book? No, it’s not mine. Ten!
Etc. Etc.
As the trip went on it was impossible to have a casual conversation because everyone was too paranoid to talk. An of course, the more paranoid everyone was, the more satisfying it was to catch someone. It’s called the game of life because once you are in, you are in for life. Two days post cruise, as I met some guys from the boat for a beer, I saw a guy from Condor doing push-ups in a crowded bar.
Anyone wanna play?
The highlight of the cruise was a visit to Whitehaven Beach, which is probably the most beautiful beach I have ever seen - powder white sand and water with thousands of different shades of blue. There are some pictures in the OZ the Middle album and here is a video clip of the beach. Download Whithaven.WMVUnfortunately, due to the tides, we could only spend a couple of hours on the beach. An amazing place though.
The trip ended and my land legs returned just in time to catch my flight to Melbourne a couple of days later. More on my quick trip to Melbourne in another post.
Comments